The opposite of success is failure and I have spent the last week flushing a lot of perceived failures this past week in order to get to my successful soul-shining self underneath. What a painful process! I felt fortunate to share with my tribe on Marco Polo how difficult this process was and is and how reaching out to others who have the courage to do this helps immensely!
What I see and feel glimmering through each time I sit and bath in my soul shine is everything I love which breeds success! There is nothing more perfectly-successful than the three children I have raised and given birth too! I am in awe of their everything! Each morning this week I sit on my button Zafu pillow meditating on pleasant feelings visualizing being with my children in my favorite place, the beach. I see my husband and I living on a Florida beach and visualize our children coming to visit often.
Success smells like salty air! It tastes like fresh Maine lobster! It sounds like ocean waves! It feels like unconditional-timeless-ageless-love for and from my children and husband!
As I begin to place images of dreams and desires into my conscious state, images which are similar or familiar begin to appear. Memories begin to seep through from my subconscious mind of taking my children to the beach in Maine, Cape Cod, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Georgia, and Florida. Flashbacks of plastic pails and shovels, seashells, sandcastles, and sea glass were not the first to come, instead I had waves of pleasant and unpleasant memories simultaneously. Out of all my children, Kevin is my dolphin! He loves the beach just as much as I do. Seeing him with his dolphin boogie board smiling and laughing with each wave as it kissed his soul, makes mine melt as well. Then I remembered times when I missed him so and I would drive 5-6 hours from Maine to Cape Cod to visit him each weekend when he was only four years old. Nothing broke my heart more than not being able to care for him. He had been diagnosed with autism when he was two and went two years without any sleep. When I visited him at the May Center, I would take him to the beach, the place that brought our hearts together and heal our salty tears. After a year of Kevin being placed, he came back home to Maine with more intensive supports and all we had worked for fell apart again and he moved back to Cape Cod for another year and a half. This time it affected my daughter Meaveen as well and she didn’t want to visit him. I could tell it was too hard for her to see her brother struggle so much. My daughter Meaveen, is my heron/phoenix and I would take her to the beach in Maine many times but she never liked the beach and always complained of the sand. Her favorite thing to do at the beach was to find treasures to bring home in her pail. My son came back home for a short time before he moved to a group home I had developed with another family in Maine. I moved to Georgia with Kevin and Meaveen and got married and had Abby who like Meaveen, doesn’t care for the beach much either, the sand bothers her too.
Two years ago I divorced a second time and I remarried this past February, 2017. My husband, Rick enjoys the beach, provided he has an umbrella and a hat. My son Kevin lives in a group home in Columbus, GA, my daughter Meaveen is living with her father in CT, and my daughter Abby lives with her father in Griffin, GA, which brings me back to my sit and the success I feel when I think of them each morning visualizing my favorite place, the beach. I miss waking each of them up each morning and kissing and saying good night when they went to bed. My son and I have been separated 9 times and nothing motivates me more than the success of making sure my children are provided for. There have been many times in my life I have felt I failed and many times I have gotten back up and tried again. Yet, there have been few times in my life when I have felt success until this week. I am learning there are more successes than failures in me and visualizing my children growing, living, and loving each morning helps me find and remember my own heredity, my divine heredity as well as theirs and where we all come from. I realize the more I consciously see my own successes, the more I visualize successes for my children and my husband who are my heart and world! Failure and success are opposite sides of the same coin. In order for me to visualize success, I must also remember and honor my failures. I am no longer afraid of success because I am unafraid of learning from my failures!
My definite major purpose in life is love for God/Creator, myself, my children, my husband, and sharing it with all I encounter! I live and breath love from the depths of my soul through my smile, voice, thought and action. I am fearless of my divine inheritance which is to inspire others to live life abundantly with true health physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually!